Well, it's a GOOD decision to get it out and talk about it. I hope it helps you to accept and grow. 13 years sounds like a long time, but some things can seem like yesterday. I hope you feel okay with forgiving yourself and her someday.
Lucky Calamity
JoinedPosts by Lucky Calamity
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34
She Would Have Been Better Off A JW
by DJQuimica inwell i have been wanting to tell this story for some time now.
does anyone believe that a person is better becoming a jw?
i ask this question because i have carried this around with me for some years now.
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Why were you baptized?
by bluecanary ininspired by another thread.. i was baptized at 12 years old.
i had a cousin, two years older than me, who was prettier, more outgoing and more popular in the hall than i was.
i couldn't beat her at any of that stuff, but i figured i could be a better jw than she was.
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Lucky Calamity
It was a totally 13-year-old's thing to do - to please god and family and congregation in exchange for their adulation.
After all, the only other ways to get such adulation was by cleaning house or becoming a martyr/pioneer, which I also did, but only once, and that was enough.
It didn't take long for me to figure out that buying love wasn't to my liking.
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Have you ever fell from the roof or do you know someone that fell from the roof?
by asilentone inhow long does it take for someone to recover from that kind of fall?.
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Lucky Calamity
Reading all this makes me cringe. Leprechaun and tracman! I'm staying off the roof unless it's got a sturdy bannister!
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Law shields religious charities from scrutiny
by betterdaze injust posting for future reference.... law shields religious charities from scrutinysunday, july 26, 2009. by harvy lipman.
the record.
staff writer.
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Lucky Calamity
Makes me want to start a church.
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Another JW Caught in the Act
by jamiebowers inthis was posted on facebook by a fellow exjw:.
http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=115905575893&h=iugq7&u=dfsnw&ref=nf.
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Lucky Calamity
Sickening.
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"God's morality is higher than yours" as an illegitimate argument
by gubberningbody inthis sort of thing is often posited by religionists and yet it's really just a postulate with no foundation.. who is god?.
"he's smarter, stronger and able to leap tall buildings by just moving them about with his mind.".
none of that argues for moral superiority.. if god's were higher than mine in any given instance in order for anyone to know it he or she would have to establish a standard for judgment and then make a comparison.
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Lucky Calamity
"Either way, it is stupid to think that a being of limited knowledge and judgement can judge a being of unlimited knowledge and judgement. We even try to get all the facts when we judge other humans, so that our judgement is true. How can a limited human possibly have all the facts so that he can judge God? It is simply not possible for us to know how an omnipotent omniscient omnibenevolent God would act.
BTS"
Well, if we were made in god's image, then we would have every logical (and otherwise comprehensible) right to look in the mirror and make reapairs to the handiwork as we saw fit, despite our "limited knowledge."
And if there is omnipotent omniscience in that refection, then there would be no evil and no wrong to fix anyway. Evil would logically not exist if god were indeed all-knowing, all-loving AND all-powerful, regardless of the limited knowledge of his creations.
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48
"God's morality is higher than yours" as an illegitimate argument
by gubberningbody inthis sort of thing is often posited by religionists and yet it's really just a postulate with no foundation.. who is god?.
"he's smarter, stronger and able to leap tall buildings by just moving them about with his mind.".
none of that argues for moral superiority.. if god's were higher than mine in any given instance in order for anyone to know it he or she would have to establish a standard for judgment and then make a comparison.
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Lucky Calamity
Argument from authority is useless.
Evidence is what is most useful and important, but if your adversary does not understand the rules of evidence-based reasoning, then all I can do is wish you good luck.
Also, ditto on what Farkel says about,"using the conclusion to prove the premise," in his link on what's right about being right.
Good luck!
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34
She Would Have Been Better Off A JW
by DJQuimica inwell i have been wanting to tell this story for some time now.
does anyone believe that a person is better becoming a jw?
i ask this question because i have carried this around with me for some years now.
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Lucky Calamity
I am sorry for your loss. Tabitha sounds like she was a fun-loving, free-spirit who could not be quashed by a Watchtower.
A short and flawed life, lived authentically and fiery is far better than a long and dull one, lived in servitude to a cult.
It is sad that her drinking led to her death, but Tabitha's life should be honored and respected for what it was, not for what it could have been.
Like most of us, she had her flaws and her beauty, and most important, she was and is free!
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Walk Away Quietly, Go Out with a Bang, Protest, Disappear- What's Best?
by OnTheWayOut inthere are many different things that each of us deal with, but the biggest reasons most come here is for support in their own lives and in dealing with the jw's in their lives.
so many are lurking or new here, so maybe they need to hear why some of you chose the path you chose.. for each of us, the decisions on how to leave the wt are our own.
i fast-faded and don't look over my shoulder worrying about the elders trying to trap me because my wife doesn't spy for them.
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Lucky Calamity
Leaving, thanks for taking the time to ask such questions. I'd like to reciprocate by taking the time to answer:
"Would you like to quit being a cult member and get on with the rest of your life?"
YES, and I DID.
"Would you PREFER to keep your friends and family, in the process?"
YES, but I could not.
"Is this possible in your unique circumstances? "
I wasn't old enough to understand my circumstances, or to realize that my family would actually honor the decision to shun me indefinitely because I disagreed with their ideas about the world and god.
"Will you remain in the cult, if this is what it takes to hang on to friends and family?"
I might have, if I'd realized how hard things would be to leave, especially as a minor, but I am glad that my stubborn streak as a teen forced me to live an extremely challenging, deeply flawed, BUT authentic life.
"Does your "status" with the organization have ANY effect on your relationships with non-JWs?"
Understanding why yes is the answer to that question might be difficult to understand, but if you recognize that not every one on the "outside" of the JW paradigm perceivess how deeply damaging it is to be reared among high-control people -- (and perhaps those who don't understand are under some other high-control spell of their own) -- then it's a bit easier to figure . . . being reared in a cult does affect how you learn (and unlearn) human interactions throughout your life, so the long of it and the short of it, must be, YES.
"Would you want a friend or family member to "live a lie", just to please you?"
Good grief! No!
"Do you value Freedom of Religion and Freedom of Speech and Assembly?"
I value it highly enough to protect it militarily; even if your religion tells you to be a pacifist and not fight for your own rights, I would be willing to fight for your right to hold that belief and to fight for your freedom.
"Can you mentally and emotionally handle losing all of your friends and family?"
Sometimes I wonder if I have or do. It's been a long, long time since I disembarked from the JW train. I don't know what I'd do without the few remaining NON-JW relatives who are very, very important to my well-being and happiness.
"Will there be a bright future ahead if you leave?"
There will always be challenges and joys, regardless of whether you stay or go. Life is hard, and once you accept it, it's a breeze, LOL!
"Does what others think of you rule your life?"
More often than not. But I know that no matter what I ever do or say, for the rest of my life, I cannot change anyone's opinion of me. ONLY THEY CAN DO THAT.
"Will you suffer a tremendous financial setback if you exit the cult?"
Most certainly. I am quite certain that there is no inheritance for me and that my life would have involved many more material and worldly goods if I had stayed a JW, which is most ironic, considering how judgmental they always have been about "materialism." My JW family lives a very cushy, super-materialistic lifesyle, compared to mine, and it certainly is related to their nepotistic tendencies and to their unlimited capacity to view their material success as blessings from Jehovah for their loyal servitude to him, while viewing my struggles as a sign of my personal and spiritual deficiencies and "rebelliousness."
"Everyone has a unique set of circumstances. Each must count the costs and decide WHAT is important."
What is important to Me? Personal integrity and freedom to grow and to be . . . "to thine own self be true." How can one discover self and all of its ambiguities when locked into pleasing and serving the interests of a cult?
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25
Walk Away Quietly, Go Out with a Bang, Protest, Disappear- What's Best?
by OnTheWayOut inthere are many different things that each of us deal with, but the biggest reasons most come here is for support in their own lives and in dealing with the jw's in their lives.
so many are lurking or new here, so maybe they need to hear why some of you chose the path you chose.. for each of us, the decisions on how to leave the wt are our own.
i fast-faded and don't look over my shoulder worrying about the elders trying to trap me because my wife doesn't spy for them.
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Lucky Calamity
Very good questions, Leaving.
Living in denial can make it impossible to answer some of those questions honestly, while living in the repression of a cult can make it nearly impossible to answer many of those questions openly.
It is important to be able to frame and answer those questions in a safe place.
My feeling is that the costs of staying, in the long and the short run, outweigh the costs of leaving, but that staying with the familiar - however painful it may be - usually seems easier.
The rote, routine, and judgmentalism of Jehovahdoom is familiar and easy, and the paradox of it seems to be that it does not involve questioning the religious authority, but only the secular outsiders; so there is this constant sense of being a rebel with a cause, when in fact the people who stay are imprisoned by their paradigm.
I have struggled with issues of growth and change, versus staying put for many years, off and on, as many people do, but being brought up in a cult can leave long-term residual issues with anxiety and self-sabotage that some must guard against 'religiously.'
There are many pros and cons involved in making a decision to leave a cult, especially if that cult is often regarded as relatively benign by outsiders who don't understand any more than those who are locked into its worldview. I often find myself at odds with that, as well, so I am glad there are people who have been there and done that here.